


The Many Kinks Of Maryam

by Anonymous



Category: Maryam Stan
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:17:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21760780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: it’s finally Maryam day! And, for this years national holiday, I thought it would be a good idea to remind the people of the world that Maryam is a beautiful and intricate woman. And in order to know her, you must know her (or some of her) kinks. Ladies and gentlemen, here are, the many kinks of Maryam
Relationships: Maryam & Bayern Munich, Maryam & Gabriel Alcantara, Maryam & Scott Mctominay, Maryam/Marc Andre Ter Stegen, Maryam/Marco Reus, Maryam/Ousmane Dembele
Kudos: 1
Collections: Anonymous





	1. DEATH KINK

“Psst” You whisper. Nobody heard you the first time so you attempt to do it again. 

“Psst, you, I’m up here”

Finally, someone looks up, it’s Serge and he furrows his brow, you furrow your brow back at him because there’s not reason for him to be furrowing his brow.

“So are you gonna help me down or?” You ask and he looks around. He nudges Joshua, who’s standing next to him and points you out. Joshua makes the same confused face. And then you remember why he may possibly be so confused.

You are hiding in a vent directly above the Bayern Munich changing rooms. 

“Do we let her down?” You can hear Serge whisper, Joshua shrugs and then they both reach up to de-stall the vent and let you in. After a few attempts and a bit of attention drawn, they manage to get you down. You thank them and then look around.

“Well, hello,” You wave at the crowd you have managed to form, they look rather tired, you assume they’ve just returned from a morning training session.

When they wave and go back to their lockers, you take it upon yourself to go around the room and wish good tidings individually.

“Good morning,” You wave at Robert, and then at Thomas, you walk around the dressing room, “good morning”

“Good morning,”

“Good morning,”

“Not you, you can choke,” You walk past Cowman, who simply growls at you like a stray dog with anger management issues.

Eventually they accept you as one of them, they even write your name in felt tip on one of the spare lockers in between Coco and Phillipe. And it’s almost as if everything goes back to normal. Everyone was having their usual conversations, you’re trying to understand the splatters of French and then you hear something.

“I think I’d rather die,” Thomas is laughing, you are unaware of the context, but you heard that phrase and that was enough to set you off. 

You jump up from your seat, reach into the time purse wrapped around your waist and pull out a 6 inch knife, jabbing it into Thomas’ knee and then watching him scream in agony. You are so turned on.

You had to kill Thomas first, he was the one that reminded you of your absolutely obsessive death kink. But who was to be second? You look around, everyone else is attempting to calm Thomas down, but he’s losing his life, and someone’s calling the police. But you’ve heard it all before. 

Nobody is leaving this room alive.

If it’s the last thing your horny self does.


	2. QUOTING KINK

Your boyfriend of 3 years, Ousmane, called you while you were at work, and informed you that you really needed to talk. 

“Yeah, babe?” You say, as you walk into the living room, he looks absolutely shocked. 

“Wow that’s the first time you’ve said something to me that wasn’t... you know...” He stands you and hugs you to greet you. And you know what he’s talking about. 

“Because I play better with my left foot?” You ask and he shudders. It is a bit of a traumatic quote for him. Seeing as its the only way you have communicated with him for the past 3 years.

He started dating you because he thought it was funny, the way you’d mimic some of things he would say, but then it because tedious and then eventually that was the only thing you ever said, even when you tried not to her ask you how you were or what time it was and you’d blurt our something dumb he said in interviews with Sam.

You’d discovered your quoting kink when he first laughed at you for quoting something he’d done before and now you practically did it for your own pleasure, even though you could tell he didn’t really like it but hey, a kink is a kink.

“I called you in here because I... I don’t know why we’re still together. All you do is quote shit I said two years ago. We don’t even talk normally. We haven’t had a normal conversation since I asked you out. I don’t know what you want from me, Maryam, I have no idea what you want,” Ousmane is crying, you sit there and pat his back, because you’re scared that if you say anything, you’ll accidentally quote him.

So he is sobbing into your lap, and his head is down and he cannot see you, you finally release your urges and mouth words he’d hate to hear you say.

‘Tommy Parker’.


	3. MOTHERHOOD KINK

“He’s so cute,” You smile.

Gabi is playing in a ball pit, Thiago and his wife are getting ready to leave, and leaving you to babysit their little boy.

“He is, he is,” Thiago waves at the child, who waves back and then goes back to aggressively chucking plastic balls at the wall, “Remember to get him to bed by 6:30, his pyjamas are by his bed side, alright?”

You nod and before you know it, it’s just you and Gabi in an empty hall. 

It takes a while before Gabi is bored of playing in his ball pit and comes to bother you about wanting yoghurt. You’re watching a show on the television, and he crawls on your back.

His speaking is slightly off, its a lot more difficult to understand what he’s saying, but he’s saying something about yoghurt. You give him a piggy back ride to the kitchen, he giggles as you twirl him around, and sit him down on the counter. You search through the cupboards, and through the fridge and through every counter but you can’t find the yoghurt. 

You find a dodgy stock of tomato soup, but no yoghurt. You find bread stacked in abundance but no yoghurt. You find a wig hiding behind the milk in the fridge but still no yoghurt.

“Well, Gabi, looks like we’re going shopping,” 

Gabi is excited, you pop a jacket on him, put his shoes on and then you’re off, running down to the grocery store attempting to stop this child from running into the road every time he sees any car and feels the need to touch it out of pure curiosity. You enter the shop and turn your back away from Gabi for one second, to look at the offer they had on scented candles, and then he’s gone.

“GABI????? GABRIEL????” You call, you’re running from aisle to aisle looking for him. You’re stressed out now, you’ve lost the baby that literally invented being born. You’re pacing it up and down the entire store but he is nowhere in sight. You call for existence, you can feel the tears running down your face, you’ve lost Gabi. Thiago was going to be so mad.

“What’s the matter ma’am?” The woman asks you, you’re sobbing so hard you can barely talk but you attempt to explain what’s wrong. They send an alert out to everyone at the supermarket, and that’s when the woman says it.

“Customer announcement, we have a woman who seems to have lost her son, please be on the look out for him he has brown hair, about 2 and a half feet tall, if you see him please report to the front desk, thank you,”

Son.

She said son.

And then the motherhood kink starts kicking in, you suddenly feel empowered, a sudden rush of energy invaded you, this is your time. With superhuman strength you grab onto a shelf and use your horny supervision to try and find Gabi. Eventually you spot a tiny little human, crouching behind a front layer of ketchup and run to get him, and funny enough, it’s Gabi, giggling.

“You found me!” He laughs and you grab hold of his hand, pay for his yoghurt, and get your ass out of the shop. The woman at the front desk spots you, and sees that you’ve finally found Gabi, she grins and wags her finger at him.

“Naughty boy, running away from mummy like that,”

Mummy. It was happening again. 

‘Mummy, mummy, mummy’ the word rang in your head as you physically levitated and flew all the way back to the safety of Thiago’s home.


	4. DENIAL KINK

It’s been your lifelong dream to be able to interview the best team in the world, and specifically the best player in the world. Marc Andre Ter Stegen was sitting right across from you, he was within physical reach, this was the dream.

The agency that sent you here gave you a list of questions and a translator, but you figured that if you asked the questions fast enough, you would have enough time to propose there and then.

You get through the questions extremely fast, because it’s all stuff Marc has heard before, he knew all the answers. The same old bland shit, you know, the team skills and improvement shit he always gets. So as soon as he was done answering the questions, you asked him something YOU actually wanted to ask.

“So do you ever get tired of being the best goalkeeper in the world?”

The translator tells him what you asked and he giggles, you feel like your life is a success now, you’ve only gone and made the best person known to grace earth, giggle. What a W for womankind. After mentally giving yourself a pat on the back, you wait for him to answer the question. 

“I’m flattered, but I don’t consider myself as the best goalkeeper of all time. It’s always important to keep down to Earth...” He went on for a while after that but you could hardly hear, because you’d heard something that turned you on so much that you had to move back in your chair a bit.

It repeated again in your head. ‘I don’t consider myself the best’, it was almost like Marc was in... denial. 

“So you DON’T think you’re unmatched on every single level possible and undoubtedly the best player to play the game?” You ask him, partially because you were genuinely confused as to why he wouldn’t and partially because you really wanted to test this denial kink out.

Marc laughs again, he’s slightly red in the cheek, and then shakes his head. He’s denying it. He’s denying the truth. And for some reason, you are so attracted to it.

“Would you consider yourself God?” You ask, now you just want him to deny everything.

He shakes his head again, rubs the back of his head next and then waits for the next question. But you go on.

“So in a list of the top 20 greatest goalkeepers of all time, you wouldn’t be all of them? Is that what your saying?” You ask him.

“Alright that’s enough now,” The director sognals for you to shut the fuck up, but you can hardly stop yourself. You NEED to get him to deny the truth once again, for your own personal fulfilment.

“YOU’RE THE GOAT, MARC, YOU ARE THE BEST OF ALL TIME, ARE YOU... DENYING THAT?” You ramble several other questions before everyone rushes in to attempt to stop you, they’re all unsuccessful.

Moosa gasps from behind the scenes, he finally understands what’s going on. He jumps on set, everybody, except you, faints because they are blinded by his beauty and modelling ability. He looks you in the eyes and shakes his head.

“We really need to do something about this denial kink,” He simply says before he, just as he always does when you have a kink-related fit, drop kicks you and you pass out there and then.


	5. MONOLINGUAL KINK

“Why don’t you ever do this?” You are grumbling at a video you’ve been watching for hours. Marco, your boyfriend of 4 months, looks over your shoulder.

“Do what?”

“This,” You point at the man on your screen, he’s not really doing anything, he’s just saying something about something that’s completely irrelevant to anything either of you have ever been interested in.

“Be more specific,” He tells you.

“Talk,”

“Maryam... you want me to... talk?” He looks entirely baffled, you nod your head, “babe, I’m talking right now,”

“Yeah but you keep speaking English,” 

“Well, that’s because if I speak German, you wouldnt understand,” He explains, but you beg him to ONLY speak German from now on. You liked the idea of him not being able to understand you or speak to you because that would mean he only knew German, and that would do wonders for your monolingual kink.

“Gänse verwenden ihre Vision, um nach Opfern zu suchen, die sie ausnutzen und für ihr monatliches Opfer an einem braunen Stock aufbewahren können, den sie ihren Gott nennen.”

You ask him to say something else, you’re already loving this.

“Maryam schuldet uns immer noch ein Instagram live aus dieser Zeit, als sie auf ihrer Europa-Welttournee war. Ihr wird heute vergeben, weil sie Geburtstag hat, aber sie hat eine Frist von 30 Tagen, bevor ich wegen Betrugs die Polizei anrufe”

This is literally a dream come true, you’re about to faint at how romantic this is. You have no idea what he’s saying but you’re so aroused that you don’t even care. This is it. 

“Ich persönlich denke, Maryam sollte die Präsidentin der USA sein, weil sie den Babys ihre volle politische Aufmerksamkeit schenken und ihre Klasse danach bestimmen würde, wie mollig ihre Hände und Wangen sind. Dies ist ein Land, in dem ich leben möchte”

“Say something else, say something that I wouldn’t understand entirely, something that’ll boggle my mind so bad that I won’t even know where I am now” You instruct him and he grins, before he says it:

“Der, über den ich gerade spreche, sadio mane, er ist der beste Fußballspieler der Welt, Chris, wofür lachst du? Wofür lachst du? Ich meine es ernst, ich meine es ernst, schau, ich mache es nicht, wenn es nur so ist, ich mache es absolut, als ob deine Tante Eier hätte, sie wäre dein Onkel, aber das tut sie nicht Verstehst du, was ich zu sagen versuche?”

You are so baffled, so horny, so attracted to the monolingualism of your boyfriend that you don’t know whether to die or make out with him. But the decision is made for you, Joshua Kimmich jumps through the window, calls you a traitor for having a boyfriend that plays for Dortmund and then sets you on fire <3


	6. MULTILINGUAL KINK

You audibly sigh, and wait for Marco to ask you what the matter is. He doesn’t because his earphones are in.

You sigh again, this time louder. He’s listening to something, so he still can’t hear you. You try another four times, and then you look around, everyone else at the restaurant is looking at you like your batshit crazy or abnormally asthmatic. But Marco is not looking at you. 

You take one of his earbuds out and sigh right in his ear.

“Did you just breathe in my ear?” He asks you, you roll your eyes.

“No, I was SIGHING,” You tell him, and wait for him to ask you why. It only takes him a few seconds but eventually he does.

“What you sighing for?”

“We don’t do this enough,”

“What?” He takes his other earbud out and you repeat yourself, “I heard you, but do what?”

“You know,”

“No, I don’t know,” He says, you sigh again. You really do have to explain everything to him all the time.

“You never speak German AND English,”

“Babe, I speak both of those, I’m speaking English right now and we literally live in Germany, Maryam, I’m GERMAN,”

“Yeah but not in the same sentence,” You explain, Marco furrows his brow.

“Why the fuck would I do that?”

“Because I find it hot,”

“What about it is hot?” Marco’s so confused, he’s massaging his forehead, attempting to grasp what you’re telling him.

“I don’t know, it makes me feel like I’m dating an intellectual, I like the idea of you being multilingual,” 

“But YESTERDAY you told me you liked when I spoke German,” And he’s right, but now you’ve changed your mind.

“Come on, just do it,” You plead, he shakes his head, he puts both his buds back in, and attempts to ignore you.

You shrug, and then go back to watching what you were watching as you wait for the food to come, but then a rush of adrenaline hits you over your head. You can barely control yourself, you grab Marco’s phone and throw it on the floor, smashing the screen and leaving his mouth open in horror and shock.

“While your mouth’s open, tell me to go pick that up, but make half of it in German and half of it in English,” You request, you cover your mouth when you realise what you’ve done, you let your kink get the better of you.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?” Marco goes entirely red, he yells in your face and then runs to get his phone, minding all the broken glass on the floor, before running out. He turns to you and says something, thinking you wouldn’t hear but little does he know your senses are enhanced majorly whenever you feel a kink is about to be pleased.

“Fuck you,” (psychotic bitch)

He finally said a sentence with both English and Germain in it, what a W for womankind!!!! Just as he leaves, someone walks in, its Joshua, but this time he thinks you won’t be able to recognise him because he’s wearing a cap, but you do. 

“Oh hey, Josh,” You wave at him, about to remark on how proud you are of him for shaving his moustache.

But he can’t hear you because he’s too busy preparing himself to kill you for being a snake once again, he grabs you by the leg and hurls you out of the window. <3333


	7. SCHEMING KINK

You’re not allowed to be here. You know you’re not. Because you were not invited. And you do not work here. And you do not know anyone attending. But you’ve managed to sneak into Scott’s birthday party.

“Alright there?” Some random white man asks you, you’re hiding behind a plant, so you nod at him and a leaf falls off. It’s very awkward for a few seconds.

“So how do you know Scott?” He asks, as you jump down from the plant pot and attempt to act casual.

“He’s my wife,” You explain, panicking and accidentally saying something that doesn’t make sense. You lean an arm against the wall. White boy raises his eyebrow. He walks away slowly and you go back to hiding behind your plant. 

But a few seconds later he comes back, with someone familiar. It’s only when you see the freckles that you realise, THAT IS SCOTT.

“Hey, Scott,” You say casually, he squirms because he KNOWS he doesn’t know me.

“Who are you?”

“I’m not leaving this place, that’s what I am. You can plot and plan on how you can get me out but I’m not leaving,” And that have Scott an idea, he took a piece of paper out of his pocket, and started planning how he was going to move your ass off the plant and out of his fucking party.

Little did he know that this was your plan all along. He is sitting on the floor scheming and plotting against you, and he has no idea how much it turns you on. This is a dream come true. You are ready to nut.

“Scott,” You smirk, “have you heard of a scheming kink before?”

“A what?”

“A scheming kink, you know, when someone has a kink for when people are plotting,”

“Do you have that?” He asks you, you grin but don’t answer, “You have a scheming kink?” 

“No comment”

He nods as if you’ve told him something rather impressive, he rips the paper up. And holds a hand out for you to shake and then use to get down from the plant plot.

“I don’t think I’ve asked you for your name yet, you are...”

“Mary. I’m 18.”

“Mary, that’s cute. I’m Scott, I think you’re what I’ve been looking for,”

“You what?” You’re blushing, is this SCOTT MCTOMINAY, PRETTY ARMED BOY.

“You see... a few years ago, my girlfriend broke up with me because she didn’t like how I enjoyed tactic planning, you know, planning in advance for what I would do during a match. She said she hated how much I would plan and... and... scheme,” He looks down at your hand, there is no wedding finger on it, he grins.

“So you think... it’s the scheming you’re looking for?” You ask him, he shakes his head very gently.

“Its not just the scheming I’m looking for. It’s you I’m looking for,”

That was so cringey, you grin at him, tell him you’ll be back in a second, run to the bathroom and vomit. You throw up and throw up and then look in the mirror. You’re still blushing. Maybe you needed to get his number, ask him on a day out. Finally there was someone who was into what you were into. This was it. Scott may be the one. 

You look in the mirror one more time, smiling at the thought of going out with Scott, and then you notice something behind you. It’s a figure, blonde hair, very small. You turn around and attempt to figure out who it is.

And then you do.

“Oh hey, Josh,” You wave, about to congratulate him because he’s grown about 0.000324 inches since you last saw him. 

But he doesn’t hear you because he’s too busy placing a football down on the floor that he uses to whack you in the face (because you’re a traitor for talking to another red team member) causing you to bang your head against the metal rail and causing your head to bleed litres of blood.

“JOSHUA WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?”

“Oh you can still talk?” He looks shocked, “guess I’ll have to go with my old plan,”

And he grabs you by your bleeding scalp, picks you up and chucks you directly out of the window <3333333333


End file.
